Excerpt from Connecting with Colors Book by Mary Robinson Reynolds

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life
that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

My introduction to personality styles began in 1994 when I was about to begin working as a seminar trainer for National Seminars Group (NSG) of Mission, KS. I studied the presentation of a seasoned trainer during a full-day seminar entitled, How To Deal With Difficult People. I loved an opening he used:

Do you work with a difficult person?
Do you live with a difficult person?
Are YOU the difficult person?

We each took a personality test in our workbooks and then the speaker began his humorous interpretation of each of the styles. This particular assessment was created by Virginia Satire and it included personalities styles labeled: Blamer, Placater, Computer, Distracter and Leveler.

The speaker had the entire audience laughing until they cried. He had me laughing too, at first, but then I gradually became more and more agitated about what I understood my husbands style to be. By the time I got home that night, I was so upset about my husbands personality style that it launched us into another round of our same old, drag-out argument. Both of us ended up being upset, exhausted and needing a time out to our separate corners of the house.

I had taken other personality assessments before, like Meyer's Briggs. It was very extensive, but actually too thorough and complicated for a "keep it simple" person like me. I remembered nothing, and I didnt integrate anything from it that I could readily apply.

That night, in my corner of the house, I made a decision. Once again, the power of the label and the inflammatory effects on the person receiving the "label" offered me the opportunity to turn sarcastic and demoralizing labels into descriptions that were empowering and transformative.

As I designed my personal interpretation of Satire's work, I simply turned the information around. I re-labeled her descriptions using very specific, affirmative language, adding a light, humorous spin so people would be able to feel the relief of a new understanding of themselves and others!

I made it my business to study the leading personality assessments at that time, such as the D.I.S.C. assessment (Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, Compliance), in which I found descriptions of Dominant and Compliant to be harsh, unnecessary and inflammatory to ones psyche. Descriptions like these simply do not inspire people to rise up and be the best they can be.

So what I bring to you now is a culmination of my study of many assessments, combine with importantly what Ive learned from very diverse audiences across the country. Speaking to over 20,000 people in the first two years alone gave me confirmation, changes and information to field test and develop a most effective tool for people to embrace and apply right away. My audiences feedback guided me in how to design a simple system that will help you define your predominant style and also help you see how your secondary color influences your primary color.

Its necessary that we understand and accept ourselves, so that we can understand and accept the idiosyncrasies of others. The result of all my studies had an immediate and positive impact on my marriage, one that has continued to keep us aligned in our relationship ever since.

Back when I first started speaking nationally, one of the frequent scenarios at the airport between my husband and me was the power struggle that began the second I'd step off the airplane! I'd come in after a long, intense week on the road with National Seminars Group... five cities a week, getting up at 6:00 a.m. to be on the floor setting up by 7:00 a.m. Presenting an all-day seminar, breaking down tables and books, packing up, then driving or flying to the next city. Id get in at midnight, get up the next morning at 6:00 a.m. and do it all over again. When I came in off the road I had only one thought: "Get me home!"

I'd come off of that plane like a horse heading to the barn at night, with "get out of my way" stamped on my forehead. This powerful urge clashed with my husbands predominant personality style. Well be discussing the different personality "colors in this program, but let me say that a Green (me) and a Red (my husband) dont view the world in a similar way! Mr. Red would try to out-powerwalkme on the way to the parking garage. Being a red and wanting to win, he would play me like a game of chess, waiting until we got to the garage, then lowering the boom for the win... he knew where the car was parked, but I didn't!

Now that never really stops a green, because we're certain we can do anything with the right system. So with my mind thinking very fast, I would calculate the most likely place he parked the car. At this point, his exasperation with me would heighten, because I didn't "need" him, and he'd say something like, "See, there can't be two leaders in this marriage," or he'd wait until I had sufficiently run around in circles long enough and say in a winning manner, "I know where the car is and you don't," and needless to say, an argument would ensue between us.

However, since I developed my four-color system of personality styles, I have discovered how quickly I can align myself with my husband, keeping our marriage harmonious and healthy. Now, whenever I arrive home from the airport and I'm locked into that green mode, he will simply follow a few steps behind me (which is still a very, very hard thing for a red to do) and he'll say to me, "Oh, you're doing that GREEN thing again!" So, now that he understands that his leadership capabilities are no longer being challenged, to him it's simply a GREEN thing.

Are you starting to get an idea of where this is all going?

We live in a harsh, judgmental and quick-to-label society. This information not only makes practical sense, it is intended to soften those rough edges of our defense mechanisms. The defense mechanisms that kept us relatively safe as children may now be detrimental to the enjoyment of a kinder, more gentle life experience. In giving you this information, which has been so life-changing and positively transformative for me, it is my intention that you have compassion with yourself and for those people in your life with whom youve been struggling.

And with that said, I hope I will see you in my Team Synergy 101 class because this week we are getting into Colors personality styles, followed by much, much more in the upcoming weeks!