The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive.
The great opportunity is where you are.

-John Burroughs


Peers or colleagues can connect you with new opportunities, can help you avoid disasters, and can smooth the way to getting things done. AND, they can also make it difficult (to impossible) for you to get certain things done. In order to Manage Difficult People and Situations, we must begin by building a strong foundation: Self-Actualization (Abraham Maslow.)

Self-Actualization is the ability to know that Who You Are and What You Want IS Your Message. In the face of what "appears" to be failure, disruption, or torment, it will be self actualization that holds you firm to your personal power... to your ability to demonstrate that power to influence others... and to win the results you are striving for. As Napoleon Hill once said, "Opportunity... often comes disguised in the form of misfortune, or temporary defeat." What is the "Opportunity" that is in front of you, disguised as a difficult (impossible) person or situation?


3 SuccessBytes
On Managing Difficult People & Situations

"What does it mean to be self-actualized?" There are 3 SuccessBytes you must come to know and understand about self-actualization in order to experience the Success you seek when Managing Difficult People and Situations.

1) Become independent of the good opinion of other people. It's at the top of the list because, when we allow ourselves to be ruled by the opinion of others, we render ourselves directly into a state of "powerlessness." STOP chasing after them with your attempts at justifying, rationalizing, defending and explaining! People who are independent of the opinions of others are usually very, very quiet about it. Certainly, they too will experience adversity and disapproval. In managing difficult people, it's imperative that you move along, and not allow disruption or sabotage to be the focus of what you are going to do next. INCREASE your Focus and Intention on the outcome you want. As you increase your focus, you increase your RESOLVE. It is resolve that will drive your words and your ability to influence and lead positively.

2) Have no attachment to the outcome. Become detached from the fruits of your labor. KNOW what your life is about, and get on with that! Do not be overly concerned with "how" it's going to work out. Detach from the idea that you are going to "get" them to GET WITH THE PROGRAM! Get in touch with YOUR "Knowing" and remain DETACHED. That will be more than enough to see you through. You must maintain Your Vision to the exclusion of the illusion of "appearances." You must refuse to look back, at what's happened, or what's been said. Simply determine what kind of experience you would like to create with them and... remain detached. If you can keep a strong focus and remain detached about the "how"... you will begin to notice that those "hot" buttons they once pushed in you, no longer trigger you the way they once did! You will also notice that when you speak, you speak with new authority, clarity, and determination to get what you want WITH or WITHOUT them!

3) Have no investment in power over other people. In managing difficult people you are not trying to convince, subjugate, or dominate anybody else with your abilities or what you want. There's a Success Strategy in my book entitled, Give Away What You Want. To do this requires you to fully "step into your greatness." Things WILL return to you exactly as you send them out. Be the example, the initiator of Peace, Love, Harmony & Good Will and you will be living life as an ExtraOrdinary person. If you want love, you must give it away. If you want respect, you must give it away. If you want cooperation, you must give it away. And finally, if you want control, you must give it away. It must be "given" first, if it is to ever be received. Ask yourself, "What is the control I'm trying to have 'over' this person?" You see, the illusion is that you ever had any control in the first place!

Treat people as if they were what they could be, and you help them become what they are capable of becoming.
-Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Most major difficulties and struggles in life center around not being fully self-actualized: To be independent of the good opinion of other people, to be detached from the outcome, and to get rid of the need to have power over other people. Imagine how much peace you will have in your life from embodying this very simple Success Formula.

Ultimately, Peace is what real power and influence is about. The part of you that wants to be in peace is generally dominated by the part of you that believes that peace with certain people and situations is not possible.  To find "your place of peace" when managing the most difficult of people and challenging situations... you must consistently and forever... go to yourself. Determine within yourself, who you are, and what you want... releasing the "how" and trusting totally in your ability to communicate at levels that illicit the outcomes you seek.

And remember this, you have within you everything you need...

©2001 Mary Robinson Reynolds, Heart Productions & Publishing

Mary ReynoldsMary Robinson Reynolds, M.S., Educational Psychologist, Author and Producer of the world renowned Internet videos, and - both amassing over 10 million views within a few short months of their releases - spent many years as a classroom teacher K-8 and then as a counselor K-12. She parlayed her phenomenal success with youth at-risk into her programs for business leaders, entrepreneurs and managers on how to be energetically effective in leading improvement in their organizations through the power of Team Synergy and MasterMinding. She has written eight books, developed UTrain&Coach programs that anyone can take into their place of work to build organization wide Team Synergy, and has presented to over 20,000 people in two year period in every major city in the U.S. To learn more go to:

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